" It’s been 84 years and I can still smell the fresh paint "
— Gloria Stuart, Titanic

MRQE Top Critic

The Great Train Robbery

(review...)

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On Friday night I headed to the roof of K’s China down on the Hill and ingested far too ‘Volcanoes’. A ‘Volcano’ is a large clay bowl filled with rum, vodka, tequila (I think), and about four other liquors splashed with a little bit of juice. It’s the kind of drink that can be shared three ways and made to light on fire if one is so inclined. It also can cause an obscene hangover.

So Saturday I wake up, tapemouth in tow, and ponder the possibilities. Let’s see - it’s about a hundred degrees outside....my stomach feels like there’s a family of rodents living in it...my head is throbbing like a horrid techno remix of the night before... and then it hit me - air conditioning, soda, Reese Witherspoon, stupidity, clichés, no need for mental capacity whatsoever- Legally Blonde!

Dumb da dumb dumb

Now, usually, I avoid using exclamation points in anything I write, but this movie deserves about a billion !!!!!!!!’s. It’s dazzlingly dumb! Supremely stupid! Delightfully dim-witted! There are two reasons to head to this film: Reese Witherspoon and revelry in the sheer unadulterated yeah yeah yeah of an implausible movie with ridiculous characters.

The um...story

Blonde girl from LA (Witherspoon) sets out to win her ex-fiancée back by getting into Harvard Law and turning smart. A series of walking stereotypes cheer her on, harass her, and give her ample opportunity to pull off blonde fashion-conscious witticisms and heroics. Um, oh yeah, and she wins a murder case.

Why bother?

Well, I’ll tell you why bother. Because you really liked Three’s Company. And Paulie Shore movies make you laugh. And because unlike other stupid movies from major studios masquerading as serious films, this one is honest - it’s willfully crappy, exuberantly moronic. And like a Rodney Dangerfield flick or Reese Witherspoon’s last great piece of trash - Cruel Intentions - it’s fun. So go check it out, and leave those firing synapses at home.